Lesbianing with AE! you fallen for a pal, but does she really like ladies? – AfterEllen

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Hey Lindsey,

And so I’ve already been heading crazy with racking your brains on if my one friend really likes me. Therefore here is a number of the points that have happened….So once we first became pals she made a build a keep and mentioned it actually was our baby immediately after which she wanted to fake day and that I swear she was once all flirty but when I told her that we appreciated the woman she was all like I like you as well and a buddy and that I’m baffled because I imagined I was right and I ended up being merely thinking wouldn’t you would imagine exactly the same thing if someone else performed that to you personally?

-Becca

Hey Becca,

I have found it best to believe men and women when they tell me the way they feel—best as the option is simply driving myself crazy 2nd guessing exactly why their unique terms and measures don’t fall into line, just what has changed, and whether or not it had been anything used to do. That type of insane creating never becomes myself anywhere. But for quite a while i obtained involved on it, so I absolutely understand where your face has reached.

The friend isn’t really into you. She wants you as a pal. You’re having trouble thinking her for the reason that the woman flirtatious conduct.

Here’s the fact, though. The friend could have desired to “fake day” you as a way to find out if she’d desire to actually date you—and decided that she decided not to need date you for a million good reasons, several becoming:

• she actually is keen on your body yet not mentally or the other way around

• the woman is bicurious however prepared date a lady

• she’s feelings for an ex and isn’t willing to be with anybody now

• She likes interest from women—and gay females readily target some other ladies no matter what their particular sexuality

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We have now written about flirty friendships before, and
look for about that here
whether it helps you get a hold of closure through the whole situation.

You didn’t ask me personally exactly what your pal had been thinking, however. You asked everything I might have made of her behavior and the answer is: this will depend.

Discover undoubtedly instances I would have believed she ended up being into me personally, whilst did. You will also discover occasions I would personally have experienced through her behavior in order to comprehend that she desired my personal love and attention, but could not reciprocate romantically.

You will find positively instances i might have assumed she had been into me, when you performed. There are also instances i’d have observed through her conduct to appreciate that she wanted my personal love and attention, but would never reciprocate romantically.

Does your buddy identify as a lesbian, or has actually she ever before dated or slept with a female? If this lady has already been straight identified until she said she wished to fake go out you and have a bear child, then I’d brush off the woman behavior as typical flirty/bicurious direct girl. I could have flirted and been affectionate along with her if this made me feel well to accomplish this, however expected it become something actual.

Indeed, for many people, feminine sexuality is fluid many of those straight-identified females do go on to accept their bi or lesbian area, sooner or later, occasionally making use of women they flirt with. It can happen—but it really is rare, and it is typically a waste of psychological power to pursue those girls.

Certainly, for many people, feminine sex is liquid plus some of the straight-identified women perform continue to embrace their bi or lesbian side, at some point, often because of the females they flirt with. It may happen—but it’s unusual, and it is normally a waste of mental electricity to follow those ladies.

If I knew she appreciated females and she acted like that, i might have believed I’d chances along with her and may have asked her out. However, she made herself clear. She wishes a friendship only. Do her (and you also) the benefit of trusting their, in order to find a person that is psychologically readily available and it is really a lesbian or bisexual.

view page at datingbiwomen.com

If you wish to pull-back from the friendship for a little while, since you’ve considered there is possible while’ve already been rebuffed, that’s fine. Require some area out of this buddy before you’re able observe her platonically again. Make use of that more time to pursue various other women and also make it clear towards girl pal that you will be cruising for dateable women to remove any weirdness either people could be experiencing.

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